In the beginningSummer 2002 was when the infamous question began and would be repeated during the following year, "what are you going to do after graduation?" When I was asked these questions two years prior, "grad school" was my answer. I was going to have two degrees in Communication, but lacked life experience outside the university walls that temporarily quenched my thirst for knowledge. I decided to pursue my options: get a job, continue on to a PhD program, or the Peace Corps. I am a firm believer you always need more than two choices. I decided to pursue all three to find out which one would win!

My InspirationA big inspiration was when a Kappa Delta sorority sister, Lisa Cooper, decided to join. I had such admiration and respect for the commitment she was about to make that I seriously considered it myself. However, plans for the future were pushed aside for the demands of the week from a heavy grad school load. At the climax of Fall 2002 semester was when the six-month marker came of, "what are you going to do with your life?" I was working multiple jobs, going to grad school full-time, and doing volunteer work on the side. I totally forgot about "the plan" for the future. After an emotionally stressful Thanksgiving weekend spent writing term papers, I found resolve in my spirituality and asked a higher source, "what is my next step?" I was open to whatever messages that would lead me in the direction I needed to follow. Not too long after, I got my first e-mail update from my sorority sister serving in Macedonia describing her Peace Corps experience. The next day, I uncharacteristically went early to the class I taught. The table at the front, where I sit, had the Daily Aztec opened to an article about the Peace Corps. I thought it was such a coincidence. That afternoon, I was filling in for a professor and the political guest speaker was sharing a story about when he was in the Peace Corps. In the rule of synchronicity, I figured it was time to revisit a half-hearted application I tried to fill out over the summer. I had to ask myself, "am I moving away from something out of fear or am I moving toward something I desire?" The 40+ hours a week job in a cubicle was not the environment I wanted to spend my life in. It becomes too easy to get financially trapped, to be defined by a job title, or have my value assessed based on my annual salary.

Why Now?Post-graduation affords a window of opportunity to take risks. Before getting accustom to fancier meals besides Top Ramen, I wanted the next chapter in my life to chisel my character and force me to grow despite the uncomfortable process. If my life is a book, I wanted the next chapter to shape my future in a meaningful way. I kept PC as an "option," being careful not to commit myself pre-maturely to a choice I may not want later. The first people I confided in were two former students I had lunch with in January 2003. Picturing me "roughing it" in the PC was something I expected them to think was funny. To my surprise, they were ecstatic for me and thought it was a good match for my personality. They were the ones to confirm this was the right path for me.

The ProcessThe obstacle course of paperwork arrived, was mailed out, and the never-ending waiting began. PC gives applicants plenty of chances to change their minds by stretching out the process. The hardest part for me was writing the essay. To answer the question "why?" The generic responses were to help people, to travel, or to do something different, all of which I could have accomplished doing something else. After peeling back the layers of reasoning, it all cycled back to me. If I was seeking external recognition, I may never get it. The drive required internal fortitude that would make me decide every day that I want to be here. "Why?" is such a simple question, yet I did not find just one answer. There are practical and logical reasons, but it is easily summed up to be "a soul thing."

The ConfirmationThe comprehensive exams to finish grad school were in less than one week and I was walking out of the interview with my PC recruiter. A calming relief swept over me and settled my fears. I stopped fighting the path I needed to take. And more paperwork arrived....

I wanted to wait to find out my exact location in Eastern Europe before I told my family. I mentioned the "idea" a year before, but it still came as a shock because they didn't believe I was serious. I also intentionally didn't provide an opportunity for them to try to talk me out of it. When I decided to accept my assignment to Albania is when life double-checked to make sure this was something I wanted. My sister got engaged and wanted her wedding the next year. This was during the first six months of my arrival, when traveling was not allowed. I was put in a situation to decide to leave in March 2004 or post-pone my life to attend my sister's wedding in July. I knew that if I found any reason not to go, I never would. The longer the wait, the more reasons there are not to go. In addition, my dad made it clear Peace Corps was against his wishes. My sister, a financial professional, was bewildered why I would go to another country and work for free when I can do the same thing here and get paid. The thought of going off to a foreign country without my family's support and a heart-broken sister, who needed to find a new maid of honor, was agonizing. My extended family supported my decision with an underlying sadness knowing I would be absent at my sister's wedding. It was made clear to me that this was the first step in my commitment to character-development, to stand behind a decision I made for an experience I needed to have. And now, I am in a small village on the central coast of Albania with wedding pictures being sent via e-mail.

The Idea of PCPC is ideologically simple and realistically difficult: The physical conditions afflicted on health, the constant state of uncertainty, and the emotional nakedness that comes when everything familiar is stripped away. The emotional roller-coaster of "I hate it--I love it" fluxes throughout the two years of service, or even in just one day. It is both exciting and nauseating. It is a refreshing, thirst-quenching drink with a bitter after-taste. You take it all in. My stress-defusing coping mechanisms were quickly activated. I was delivered on a door step to a family I never met, in a new country with a language I didn't know, and 150 pounds of my worldly belongings strategically packed in two suitcases.

It has been difficult to be successful in my academic endeavors while feeling completely incompetent in a new environment. To be an adult who is treated like a child. To have a Master's in Communication and equipped with only baby-level language. To be a teacher and have a 10-year old neighbor corrects my language homework. To be an independent woman who needs the ties to family to be safe. To be a feminist believing in gender equality and be reminded on a daily basis that I'm a sexual object. To accept that my freedom is restricted because I'm female, and there are certain activities I can't participate in and places I can't go. To be so adamant about coming, only to be unclear about my purpose. To have confidence in myself while consistently being humbled. The irony is that the characteristics necessary to be successful in PC are exactly the ones that get challenged. Thus, the PC motto of "flexibility," which means more than doing yoga.

What makes me want to stay?Continuing to serve is a choice I make daily. I may not be dramatically changing the world, but I'm making a collective contribution to improve it. I have a series of "meaningful moments" that create an uncommonly rich experience that is uniquely my own. The students are my teachers. The people I'm here to help are the ones that generously give to me first. It is an epic exchange of culture, understanding, and laughter.

Final ThoughtsI wake up happy just about every day because my heart is filled with gratitude for all that I've been given and all I'm able to offer. I live fully in each moment because this journey requires 100% of my attention. Peace Corps is not for everyone, I found out why when I got here!

Thanks,
Charmin