Friends on the Furgons I don't know how I get myself in these situations...but traveling alone allots for the makings of friends in the midst of adventures. The first furgon ride we stopped 10 minutes away from my destination to have lunch at 10:30am. There were a couple of families and I was the odd person out, so I just was planning to read my book alone. A high school girl in one of the families invited me to come sit with them. They ended up paying for my drink, which was very sweet. By the time I got out of the furgon, I knew everyone traveling with me.

When I went to meet up with another volunteer, I had to travel alone. I told the furgon driver "Malliqe" where my friend lives, which is a small town outside of the larger city of Korce in the south. When we stopped, I looked around and knew the buildings were to big. I looked at the driver, when I was the only one left in the furgon, with my adorably clueless face and said, "Malliqe??" He forgot about me. "No problem!" he told me. He asked where I was from. When I told him America, he shared that his nephew is in America...Detroit. Apparently, this was instant bonding. We were in Korce and he had to turn around and go back anyway, so he could drop me off on the way. We picked up a guy from Podgerdec that he apparently knew (sometimes furgon drivers may drive around to load passengers up before they start the trip).

We ended up going to pick up this guy's family members. Then, we headed to a storage unit where the guys loaded up the back of the furgon with store supplies. The driver bought me bananas and a soda while I was waiting. Next,we headed to the store to pick up more materials. This is where I was given a Coke. Finally, we were headed to Malliqe...but first we had to stop for lunch. Meanwhile, my volunteer friend was waiting for me. I thought it was going to be a quick bite to eat, but the dining process here is nothing close to fast. They order me beer and muscles (after explaining to them I don't eat meat. I didn't know what they were ordering for me, but I was assured it was definitely not meat or fish). Sometimes it is odd the conversations I get in. We ended up chatting about their daughters and how they want me to come to lunch at their houses to meet their girls. The furgon driver wanted to exchange numbers so I could call him when I head back if I needed a ride (he actually ended up calling me two weeks later). An hour later, I checked my phone to find out my friend called 4x to get a hold of me. I told them my friend was worried and I needed to get back. So, we sat around for another 20 minutes and ended up talking about divorce in America. By then, my friend was in Korce and wanted me to meet her there. So the furgon turned around and took me back to Korce. I offered him money for the trip, but he refused. We were friends now.

On the bus ride home, I sat in the front seat to avoid possible harrassment. I was tired so somebody gave me a piece of clothing they just bought in bulk at the market for my pillow. While I was waiting for the bus to fill up, one of the guys bought a few of us cups of icecream. We stopped a couple hours into the trip to have lunch. I was going to sit by myself, but I was now under the care of the driver and everyone in the front seats. They asked questions (the same 20 questions I have with everyone). When I broke out into my monologue, I paused to look around only to see the adjacent three tables all looking and leaning over to hear me. The bus driver's assistant chatted me up the rest of the trip and was very diligent about making sure I got off at the right stop. Being adorably clueless has definitely helped to my advantage.Hospitality is a national treasure, so I have no qualms about clearly playing the role of a visitor. I also realized that the most interesting conversation that some people on the furgons will have for the day will be with me...becuase life is that simple here!

Loaded Questions Albanians are notorious for comparison, which can actually put volunteers into an awkward situation of being truthful or being diplomatic.

• "Which is better....here or Golem? My mom's cooking or your other mom's cooking?"
• "Who do you love more, your mom or your dad?"
• "I am beautiful, yes?"
• "Do you like the name, Shqusdioin? ---Uhm, not really---That is my Grandma's name."
• "Who is fatter, me or her?"

Her Big Fat Albanian Wedding Although I missed my own sister's wedding, there was some consolace in the fact that I was going to attend my host-sister's wedding, Arminda, at my training site (Lezhe). I wasn't really sure what to expect, so I didn't think much about it. I was excited to return back to the place where I learned the basics of the Albanian language.Unfortunately, I forgot that my training host-family's relatives are from the far north and have a dialect that flies over my head. It is hard enough learning this language, let alone the drastic changes in word pronunciation of such a small country.

The wedding was on Saturday night. I arrived Friday night. I walked into a house full of kids running around, women in the kitchen painting finger nails and the men were in the living room drinking Raki. Needless to say, weddings are a big deal here. The bathroom was the only place I could be alone, but I also had to share it with the 15 people staying the night as well. Apparently the festivities last all week. Instead of presents, everyone coming to the wedding stops by during the week, has a drink, and leaves $5-20 under the glass when they leave (similar to what a tip would look like). Again, remember the average teacher salary is about $150 for a month.

Since I learned from past experience that women don't dance in public, weddings are a big deal. Every night the music is blazing and the women practice the group "circle dance." There were about five people sleeping in the bride's room (my former room). On Saturday morning, the bride wakes up to get her hair done and dresses in her gown. At about 1pm, she is ready to go for a wedding that begins at 8pm. My host-sister sat around as others doted on her and visitors arrived for a full-house. Any lingering chlosterphobia issues I have ever had are challenged regularly. At 8pm, everyone on the bride's side heads to the reception. Since my host- family is Muslim (technically), there was no church ceremony. If they were Catholic, it would be different. The Saturday night party is for the bride. She shares her last night as a "girl" before getting married and transitioning to a married "woman." The father has his side of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins, second-cousins, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, etc) and the mother's side as well. Also on the guest list are the friends, co-workers, and neighbors of the parents. The bride also has her friends, but people usually just hang out with just their family. It was a packed house. The grandmothers took a liking to me. They looked me up and down as I sat there smiling being as adorable as possible. They look at me as only a grandmother can, pat me on the arm and pinch my cheeks.

The live music started right away and everyone started dancing. I held back in the beginning so I can pay attention to what is considered normal. The circle dance is quite popular. I'm thinking you can only go around and around so many times before it gets dizzying, but apparently that is why they practiced (I don't know). My host-dad got on the microphone and introduced his daughter as she made her entrance while being escorted by her brother. Arminda didn't dance at all in the beginning. She sat there and looked pretty. At 10:30, the groom and his close family came to join the party. This is a symbolic introduction of the joining of families. His guest list included: his parents, the brothers of the father, their wives and a cousin. About 15 in all. The couple sat together, but there wasn't a lot of smiling going on. I don't think they are much of a photogenic couple. It was actually kind of strange to be at a wedding and not have a smiling bride. For the record, it was a love marriage, not an arranged one.

Long tables were set up around the perimeter of the reception hall and the middle was the rectangular dance floor that was split up by pillars. At 11:00pm, the bride and groom finally dance together....but there is no touching. They extend their arms in a hug position, but never touch. This culture is very shoulder-shaking. Again, no smiling.They did cut the cake together and fed pieces to the other. Then at the end, they did a kiss on each cheek (standard familial greeting). About 12:30 the groom and his family leaves and the bride's core family (father's brothers, etc) escort them out. Then Arminda returned to be celebrated.

All the dancers gathered around her and clapped to the music. It was almost like this ceremonial good-bye dance. All the aunts from both sides came and danced in the middle with her. Then, all the uncles, the parents, etc. Her brother was in the middle and I got nudged in too. It was flattering that I was grouped in with her sibling. One of the last groups to do this dance were her female cousins that were her age. I watched Arminda's face as she moved around the circle with her best friends/cousins and got a little choked up. She was symbolically leaving the group to join someone elses. As the girls past by me I could see the smiles that hidden this presence of sadness.

Traditionally, when a girl gets married to become a woman, she completely leaves her family. If her husband is the youngest son or only son, she moves in with her in-laws. Eventually, she and her husband will inherit the house. However, I've looked around and there are a lot of really really old people that still work all day. There is also a shift in power. Given the fact that women are not given the respect they totally deserve, they serve the man on all levels. When the mother-in-law gets a new daughter, it means she doesn't have to do all the grunt work of keeping up a house. After a woman gets married, her name is replaced with "nuse", (new-suh), meaning bride. Not sure how long someone stays a "nuse", perhaps until she becomes a mother.

As for me, my host-parents made sure I was looked after. I was clumped in the group of 10 cousins that were high school age and older. A few spoke English well enough to have a conversation. I was buddied-up with the best speaker. They had so much fun together. It reminded me of my own cousins that are my age. After I watched the dancing long enough, I participated. I figured "fake it til you get it" was my motto for the dance steps. I just smiled and looked like I knew what I was doing. I secretly practiced beforehand to not make a total fool of myself. My host-family's ancestors were one of the original families that lived in the castle on the hill many years ago, so there is a huge extended family. So there was an audience who noted what the foriegn girl was doing. I had to single-handedly represent American on the dance floor. And for the record, I held my own!. However, I did withhold my rendition of "Baby got back." The teenage girls were intrigued by my interpretation of dancing. I showed them a few shoulder-shaking moves that impressed them, although my preference is more booty-shaking.

The party ended about 1am. Everyone, the 20 people staying at the house, returned home to fall asleep. On Sunday, Arminda repeated the preparation ritual with the hair, make-up, and dress. She "officiallly" became married when her groom came to pick her up. He brought the same core family (uncles, aunts, parents, cousins). There is then a precession of cars that honk all the way to the reception where the process is repeated for the groom's side. On Sunday, the bride's family comes to visit the reception. Arminda married her best friend's brother, which seems understandable given the lack of open dating. I tried to find out about a honeymoon, not sure where they went, but people knew what I was talking about.

Overall, I had a good time. Although I was sad to miss my own sister's wedding, I am happy I was able to have a substitute. Having so much family around was definitely overwhelming. I was hoping the language would get better during the three months I was away, but I still feel like I'm at the 3 year old level.

Spoon full of sugar My host-aunt came to visit with her 5 month old daughter. When it came feeding time, I saw her put juice in half the bottle, then scoop two spoonfuls of sugar to mix in. Did I mention my village has a high infant mortality rate and poor dental hygiene? Everyone shares similar practices and they don't know any better. I have just learned to look away. I don't have a lot of room to talk since I come from the land of "the fat people." There seems to be a belief that sugar is a source of energy.

Quotable Quotes "My friend says you are driving him crazy, he MUST know you better. Like...how old are you?"
Three other volunteers and I went to the beach on a lazy Sunday afternoon. A few 20-year old boys set up camp right next to us, even though the beach was deserted. We were all facing the sea, they were both facing us, like we were a television set. Janette got hit on by a guy using a translator who spoke sufficient English. She explained that she is Chinese (which she isn't) and she doesn't speak English (which she was speaking).

"Peach!"
Is what one of the volunteers had her English students say while pointing out fruit at the local store. She had them say it all together, very loudly. "peach! PEACH!" She didn't notice the crowd that took interest in her educational outing. Later she found out that the pronunciation of "peach", the fruit is exactly the same sound as the Albanian word for c!#t. So, the volunteer had her students saying, "c!#t! C!#T!" very loudly in public.

"Brenda is engaged to an Albanian?"
One of the older female volunteers, 43, lives in a more isolated area in north east Albania. She was interviewed by a reporter that she ran into. Brenda explained she is a Peace Corps volunteer and is workng with the local Red Cross on projects. When the national article was printed, she was a Red Cross missionary, 30, and is engaged to an Albanian. Volunteers who work in the municipality were shown the nation-wide article by their counter-parts and the news spread like wild-fire. So, that is what happens when you have an interview and coffee with a local man.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Just recently, a male program manager came to my site to meet the new principal and explain my participation in school life (per my request). We later had a meeting over coffee to discuss my role and ideas. The next week, I was at coffee during the daily school break with the young lady teachers. One of them asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no. The prodding continued with an explanation that I was seen having coffee with a man. I said, "First, he is married. Second, he is a Peace Corps director. Third, having coffee does not mean a man is my boyfriend. Fourth, I don't even want a boyfriend." On another day, I was asked if I will get married. I scrunched up my face, kinda like girls do when they believe boys have koodies. The PE teacher high-fived me, in agreement. The women wanted to be reassured that I would invite them to my wedding. I told them they will be very old by the time I get married, but I will still invite them! As of now, I have yet to know of, see, or meet an Albanian guy I would ever consider dating. I have no interest in becoming any man's maid, cook, or off-spring producing machine. Even if a man was somewhat progressive, he is tied to a culturally traditional family that has a HUGE influence. The mothers have a very subvert and effective form of manipulation on their sons that would make most American wives cringe. In addition, I now have 500 students who know who I am and are aware of what I do, not including their parents and family. Since I believe life offers more than a wedding ring and an apron, I attract more progressive thinking women and girls who enjoy being exposed to another perspective. I am reminded that just my presence alters this environment and the effect of the people in it.

I can get my own apartment in December (mid-winter). I am starting to look now and spread the word. However, it gets dark at 4:30pm in the afternoon. The cultural implication is that since I am a girl, I will not be out in public in the dark. There is also electricity for only two hours during the day, which will hopefully fall around the time of the soap opera I watch. The rest of the time I will be in the dark, alone, and freezing my ass off.

I hope you are all healthy and happy!
Charmin

P.S.
If you can get text messages, send me your cellphone number! It will be a fun surprise to get a random message from me during your day.